Elvis Burgers

Maybe the King will never die. KABC-TV Channel 7’s Eyewitness News certainly prolonged the agony recently by touting reports of “incredible evidence� that Elvis is still alive. This investigative frenzy culminated with an exclusive interview with a Michigan woman who claimed to have seen Elvis at a Burger King in Kalamazoo (no doubt stocking up on Whoppers). KABC rival KNBC-TV Channel 4 couldn’t resist taking a few pokes at this tawdry, sweeps-incited Elvismania--as did KMPC-FM morning deejay Guy Thomas. He cajoled an Elvis impressionist (who works as a steward for Alaska Airlines) to phone the woman in Michigan the other morning, posing as Elvis. When she answered the phone, he purred in a Tupelo-honey Southern accent: “This is the King, baby!� He went on to complain that since the woman had revealed where he lives, “I’ve got to sell my mobile home and move on.� Unconvinced, the woman asked Elvis to reveal his favorite food. “Come on, honey,� he said. “You know all foods are my favorites, but doughnuts especially!� Finally, the fake-Elvis and Thomas broke out laughing, prompting the woman to complain: “You’re not Elvis--this is a sick joke!� Yes, maam--but at least this town’s goofy morning jocks don’t pretend to be serious newsmen.