British Are Great Tennis Hosts, but No One Here Can Really Play the Game

WIMBLEDON, England —  The enduring embarrassment of the British is that they play host to the most wonderful tennis tournament in the world each year, but they can’t play the game.

The last British player to advance as far as the men’s semifinals at Wimbledon was Roger Taylor in 1973. On the women’s side, Virginia Wade won Wimbledon in 1977. Since then, only Wade and Jo Durie have made the final eight.

This year, there are no British players seeded. All are ranked so low that they are Wimbledon’s wild cards.

One problem, according to London Times columnist David Miller, is that the British tennis system is too stuffy. It is difficult to play world-class tennis with one’s tea-cup pinky extended.

Miller recalls covering English tournaments, “knockabouts among demure young hopefuls called Siviter or Compton-Dando.”

Then he writes of covering a Wimbledon qualifying tournament. “The fur flew there. Australians and Americans, with first names like ‘Nails’ or ‘Butch’ would climb over the hedge and assault each other with a fury that knew no bounds.”

Still, England’s pride suffered no further blows Tuesday. Britain’s No. 1 player, Andrew Castle, won a first-round match against Russian qualifier Andre Olkhovsky, 7-6, 6-2, 4-6, 7-5. And young British hopeful Stephen Shaw beat American Todd Witsken, 6-3, 6-4, 6-3.

Maybe the locals were inspired by a story in the Star, a London tabloid. The article dealt with the lack of international-caliber players among the crop of British players. The subtle headline:

WHAT A LOAD OF WALLIES

Our Court Jesters Set to Remain a Sick Joke

A first-round battle between Stefan Edberg and Stefan Eriksson was definitely not even Stefan. Edberg defeated Eriksson, 6-0, 6-0, 6-0. The last time a player won a love match in the first round of the Wimbledon men’s singles was in 1947, Torsten Johansson of Sweden over Bryan Royds of Great Britain.

Weather forecast for today: Cloudy but often dry.

To clear up the backlog of matches, today’s play will start at noon, instead of 2 p.m.