At Least, He Knows Good Beer

It was a tough loss, but Utah Coach Frank Layden didn’t lose his sense of humor after the Dallas Mavericks beat the Jazz, 101-93, in their playoff opener at Dallas.

“I want to say this about the Dallas organization,” Layden said.

“They are first class. They had imported beer in our locker room.”

Asked if he thought the Jazz would have won if Adrian Dantley had not been out with back spasms, Layden said, “How do I know? I’m not a mystic. I don’t even know where I’m going to eat tomorrow, and believe me that is of major consideration.”

Add Layden: Asked if he is overweight, he said, “I don’t know, but I stepped on a scale that gives fortune cards, and the card read, ‘Come back in 15 minutes--alone.’ ”

For What It’s Worth: Jack Nicklaus is the oldest to win the Masters, but he’s not the oldest to shoot the back nine in 30 at Augusta. In 1967, in the third round, 54-year-old Ben Hogan closed with a 30 as he shot a 66, best round of the day. That put Hogan only two shots off the lead, but he faded to a 77 on the final day and finished in a tie for 10th, 10 strokes behind winner Gay Brewer. Jack Nicklaus?

He missed the cut.

Trivia Time: How is it that Bobby Bonds, playing for the New York Yankees in 1975, did not hit a single home run in Yankee Stadium? (Answer below.)

When the NFC East coaches gathered for a meeting in New York Saturday, they were asked to pick a favorite for 1986.

Tom Landry (Dallas), Joe Gibbs (Washington), Buddy Ryan (Philadelphia) and Gene Stallings (St. Louis) all picked New York.

Said Giant Coach Bill Parcells, when asked how he felt carrying such a burden: “It’s like going to lunch in Tripoli.”

Add Parcells: Commenting on the turnout of 3,223 for a Yankee-Indian baseball game at Cleveland’s Municipal Stadium, he said: “The place was so empty, they could have held archery practice.”

Wait a Minute: Says New York Mets right-hander Ron Darling: “The way I look at it, a home run is just a fly ball that goes a little farther.”

You look at too many of them, of course, and you’re gone--a lot farther.

Chicago Cubs Manager Jim Frey reportedly blistered his players and the press on a flight from Montreal but said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Frey is supposedly under fire from General Manager Dallas Green, who has been known to do some blistering of his own.

When he managed the Philadelphia Phillies, Green had this to say to the Philadelphia press after a particularly galling defeat: “I’m sick and tired of the bleeping comments I see in the bleeping press. You bleepers think we’ve been in this game for 25 years and don’t have a nickel’s worth of bleeping pride. The bleep we don’t. I’m sick and tired of you writing about how the bleeping ballplayers will quit on you unless you bleeping guys keep hammering it in their bleeping heads all the time. We’re not a bunch of bleeping quitters.”

Trivia Answer: In 1974 and 1975, the Yankees played in Shea Stadium while Yankee Stadium was being renovated.

Quotebook

Bill Walton of the Boston Celtics, on his adjustment to living on the East Coast: “I do a lot of the same things. I just don’t do them outdoors.”