Ho, Ho, Ho . . . the Claus That Refreshes

There are no laws governing the wearing of Santa garb. It’s illegal to impersonate a naval officer, or a cop, or even to pretend you’re a manicurist. But anyone can play Santa. So it’s not surprising that “Santa� turns up in non-storybook roles each Christmas time. Hitchhikers use the garb to attract rides and pickets use the role to attract sympathy.

In 1977, Santa was seen para-sailing off Long Island and hang-gliding off Torrey Pines, and in 1980 Santa parachuted onto the St. Louis Gateway Arch.

Winfred Eugene Holley of Torrance so enjoyed the role of St. Nick that in 1981 he had a Los Angeles court commissioner change his name to Santa Claus.

Not everyone loves Santa. A Minneapolis bus driver was given a 5 1/2-day suspension by the Metropolitan Transit Commission in 1979 for dressing as Santa and passing out candy to his passengers.

Even heavies like to play the leading role sometimes. Two bank robbers in Greythorne, Australia, used Santa garb in 1983 in their private Christmas relief efforts. The Santa Clauses, who netted $7,000 in non-taxable income from the caper, wished the customers and tellers a merry Christmas, as they drove out of sight.

Reseda Burglar

A burglar used the disguise in Reseda in 1981, and even said “Ho! Ho! Ho!� to the victim in her home. Police nabbed him, though. Hard to miss a pedestrian fitting that description at 4 a.m. in Reseda.

Several years ago, a Pittsburgh stockbroker was kidnaped and tortured for 12 days by a disgruntled investor, disguised as Santa Claus. The investor, who’d made a list and checked it twice, was unhappy with how his $500,000 in investments had fared.

Cops have played Santa too. In 1976, New York City’s finest used the disguise to nab grinches who were shoplifting other people’s Christmases. The following year in Dallas, a fuzzy Santa Claus busted nine naughty ladies for indecent soliciting. Santa was the real fuzz, it turned out.

In San Francisco, a 285-pound Santa (a Bank of America security officer) arrested two men collecting presents from someone else’s car.

Santa in his usual role is sometimes good, sometimes not. Those available for a one-month, minimum-wage, heavy-lifting job are not always saints of Santa’s character. In 1983, a London Santa Claus responded to a 12-year-old’s obscene remark by swinging at the child. The intended victim ducked, and the 72-year-old Santa decked the next child in line. Santa was arrested.

Common Sight

And Santa doesn’t have a red nose by accident. For some reason, those who play Santa are often those who most appreciate a good wassail bowl. It’s a common sight in jails during the holiday season to see Santa Claus in handcuffs blowing Christmas cheer into a breath analyzer.

A major Christmas parade was delayed a few years ago when Santa Claus fell off his float onto the pavement in the parade’s staging area. A sober candidate had to be pressed into service.

How bad is it? An 8-year-old approached a Washington, D.C., department store Santa hesitantly, smelled all over his face, then yelled back to his father, “It’s OK, Dad. This one’s sober!�

Over the years a number of department store Santas have been liberated Santa-persons. With the heavy costume, pillows and whiskers, the Santa role is filled by females more often than unsuspecting parents might guess. In 1975, a Petaluma, Calif., Santa didn’t need padding. She was expecting before year’s end.

Some employers are traditionalists, even so. A Des Moines woman filed a sex discrimination suit against a photographer who relegated her to “Santa’s helper� instead of considering her for the Big Job.

Santa’s ethnicity has been a problem for many non-white families. Black Santa Clauses have always been common at all-black functions, but during the late ‘60s and ‘70s, black St. Nicks were seen more and more in mixed neighborhoods. Brooklyn’s Abraham & Straus experimented by placing black and white Santas on side-by-side thrones. (Two chairs. No waiting.)

Bilingual English/Spanish Santas are popular in almost every part of Southern California. A few years ago Sears, Roebuck experimented with Santas of other local ethnicities (Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, Samoan) on a scheduled basis at selected stores, but got almost no takers for the second languages. Sears’ experiments with sign language Santa Clauses for deaf children were quite successful, though.

With vintage Texas ethnocentrism, a Dallas department store invented its own Santa personality during the 1950s. Given a new Texas name and dressed in what might be labeled “arctic-rhinestone-cowboy� garb, the skinny Santa-substitute was selling, but parents and children weren’t buying. The store quickly reverted to the stereotype: Fat. Red suit. White trim.

St. Nick has had his wins over the years too. In 1982 in Clarksville, Tenn., Santa Claus ran up to a burning house, kicked down the door and carried an elderly woman to the safety of a neighbor’s house. He stayed with her until an ambulance arrived, then stole away without revealing his identity. A policeman, who was a witness, said: “It could have been the Santa Claus. I don’t know.�

Well, Virginia, yes and no.