More Plaxico Burress: Common sense amid a classic New York noisefest

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With so much commotion hurling out of New York in the case of Plaxico Burress accidentally shooting himself in the thigh in a Manhattan nightclub with a .40-caliber Glock semiautomatic pistol, it’s important to cut through the din and pinpoint what’s really important to us, as Americans.

Whatever anybody says about guns and laws and human danger and role-modeling for children and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, this matter all distills to a single, crucial question: Can Burress’ absence damage the New York Giants during the playoffs and, secondarily, when might he resume his career?

The cities and towns of America have demonstrated time and again their most cherished value, which would be victory on a gridiron or a hardwood floor or a diamond. The people have spoken with their palms, and they have said they’ll applaud most any convict, misanthrope or malcontent as long as that person can score the touchdowns required to shut up those annoying rivals up or down the highway.

In Burress’ case, we’re talking about somebody who caught a Herculean 11 passes for 154 yards in Arctic Green Bay in the NFC championship game last January, and who caught the winning touchdown pass with 35 seconds left in the Super Bowl last February. It’s stratospheric stuff, and as a result he should not be subjected to the drudgery of trivialities such as faddish city or state laws, and probably not even federal.

The New York police have seethed that the Giants haven’t cooperated with the investigation, but that amounts to the police simply misunderstanding their place, which in the American social fabric would fall somewhere below the Giants, the reigning Super Bowl champions who ought to be entitled to conducting their own, feckless investigations of these matters.

The mayor of New York has bristled and recommended a prison sentence, but allegedly tough-on-crime types from Tuscaloosa to Dallas and beyond would agree there’s no way Burress should get 3 1/2 years when he has just played such a monumental role in such historic victories and when he still occupies the prime of his career at merely 27.

And what about the poor, suspended hospital worker. Here’s a hero in New York’s midst who violated the law in not reporting the case to the police, but probably out of sheer wisdom. He or she probably realized it’s hard to find receivers who stand 6-foot-5 and possess talent like that of Burress. If not, he or she probably bowed to other long-treasured values, maybe even getting Burress to sign his name on a scrap piece of paper or posing with Burress for a photograph to show and annoy the hell out of friends and neighbors for years to come.

And for the inspiring selflessness of realizing what’s truly important in American society, for trying to save the Giants in January, what does this person get? A suspension and a public upbraiding.

It’s stunning.

You’d almost think the country has two faces.

-- Chuck Culpepper