Charlie Sheen begs to return to ‘Two and a Half Men,’ says his sobriety is ‘off and on’

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So far, CBS has been largely willing to forgive Charlie Sheen’s many legal and personal transgressions, but on Monday, he gave the network more reason to worry: During a highly erratic interview on ‘The Dan Patrick Show,’ the star, who’s currently on hiatus from ‘Two and a Half Men’ so that he can undergo rehab, announced that he was ready to get back to work, though he also admitted that his sobriety has been ‘off and on.’ He even suggested that he’d already returned to the set, and was ‘banging on the stage door’ but no one would let him back in. Asked when he was scheduled to return, he replied, ‘August of 2014 at this pace.’

Sheen also addressed his recent outburst during his surprise appearance at UCLA’s baseball practice last week. (He’d told the team to ‘Stay off the crack. Drink a chocolate milk.’) There were ‘rumors that I’ve had problems with crack, so it just came out of me like poetry. ... [I] said stay off the crack, and I still think that’s pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially, Dan. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can.’ Patrick asked Sheen if he thought he could handle crack. ‘Yeah yeah,’ he responded, ‘but that kind of blew up in my face. Like an exploding crack pipe.’

Sheen maintained that he was ‘100%’ clean, but his tone sounded desperate, making pleas to the network to take him back soon. ‘I heal really quickly but I also unravel pretty quickly,’ he said. ‘So get me right now guys.’

CBS declined to comment on the interview.

-- Melissa Maerz