‘The Hills’: Justin Bobby and Kristin swap spit, but Enzo steals the show

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Justin Bobby and Kristin Cavallari’s over-hyped lip-lock was meant to be the focus of this week’s episode of ‘The Hills,’ but alas, a new star has emerged: Enzo.

The chubby nephew of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s neighbors stole the show, cartwheeling through Speidi’s new lawn and accidentally calling Spencer ‘Spender.’ Where’d they find this kid?

Even some of the cast members agree with me about Enzo’s star quality.

‘just watched the episode!!.... enzo is adorable! new star of the show:) hehe what did you guys think?’ Audrina Patridge wrote on her Twitter account Tuesday evening.

‘New character Enzo ups the show so much! Maybe even better than last weeks episode??!!! Soooo good!!’ Stephanie Pratt echoed on her page.

This week, Stephanie -- looking scarily slimmed-down -- headed over to Speidi’s new digs, where she witnessed Heidi tell Spencer that he needs to have a kid to ‘get outside of himself.’

To prove her point, Heidi, of course, invited the bright-faced Enzo over to hang out. Despite all her talk about her desire to have a baby, Heidi’s maternal skills with Enzo proved sub-par. As he played a game of Wii Tennis, she offered him cookies and cooed at him as if he were a puppy. Luckily, Spencer wasn’t having it and rolled in to quickly push Enzo out the door.

Meanwhile, Kristin was busy reeling in Justin Bobby at the latest Hollywood hotspot, Playhouse. There, Brody Jenner’s table was plied with alcohol, and his Playmate girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, was gyrating on a table staring him down with an ‘Aren’t I so hot?’ look on her face. Gross.

On the dance floor, JB and Kristin were swaying back and forth in the middle of the sweaty club, engaging in an awkward slow dance while whispering in each other’s ears about how ‘honest’ and ‘real’ they both were. Their shared no-BS attitude must have served as an aphrodisiac, as it quickly led to a make-out session on a balcony where everyone would be primed to watch them swap spit. True to form, Kristin took on the dominant role, wrapping her arms around Justin’s neck and aggressively going in for the kill.

Cut immediately to Audrina, attending a concert of MTV’S band-of-the-week, Vedera.

‘I love all your lyrics. I can relate to the relationship stuff,’ Audrina tells the lead singer before the show. Later, she stands in the audience looking at the stage pensively, as we’re meant to think she’s thinking about Justin Bobby -- who, of course, is busy simultaneously slobbering all over Kristin.

I still maintain that the only thing Kristin likes about Justin is that she’s angering Audrina by being with him.

‘It’s all very unfair,’ Kristin told Lo Bosworth, discussing how wronged she felt that Audrina had rejected her lunch invitation. ‘I put myself out there and ... I probably should just go for Justin now.’

Note that Kristin said nothing to Lo about, you know, actually liking or being attracted to Justin -- instead opting only to focus on the revenge aspect of the hook-up.

And Justin’s not doing all that great a job of pretending to fall head over heels, either. When he and Kristin stopped at a cafe after sharing a romantic motorcycle ride down Pacific Coast Highway, Kristin admitted that she was finally seeing the appeal of the bike.

‘Do I get my own helmet now?’ she asked coyly.

‘Nah, I gotta save it in case Audrina wants it back,’ Justin replied.

Ugh. Come on, dude.

If nothing else, at least Kristin got him to shave off that dirty beard. Boy is looking fine these days.

But maybe there’s more of a shared attraction there than I’m noticing. Do you think Justin and Kristin actually have a spark going? If so, who’s more into whom? And would Heidi actually make a good mother? Discuss in the comment section below.

-- Amy Kaufman (follow me on Twitter at @AmyKinLA)