Medical care? Pheh. Just stock up on smells and stones

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Enough of this prattling about health insurance, preventive care, research-based medicine and drug effectiveness. All along, we’ve been overlooking the wisdom of the ancients.

Says the tantalizing promise in this pitch for Conscious Colors Color Aromas misters and oils: ‘Whirling a bit off-center or feeling lackluster lately? Conscious Colors puts a new spin on the ancient practice of feeling good through color therapy.’

That off-center whirling sensation can indeed be distracting. So to the website I went.

The home page promises: ‘By utilizing color aromatherapy, you’re tapping into your strongest sense, your sense of smell, to rapidly transfer the vital energy source of color to the 10 major systems in your body, including your circulatory & nervous system.’

My nervous system has been working round-the-clock lately. It could probably use some energy. And a bottle of Aura Mister could be mine for only $20. Ah, but that would take care of only one chakra. A bottle of White Light energy could take care of my overall aura for just $5 more.

What to choose, what to choose.

Then came the pitch for Energy Muse Jewelry: ‘When worn, the energetically enhanced stone is capable of touching your inner being by mustering focus and bringing the optimal power out.’

Focus and power are good. And the jewelry seems to work for volleyball players John Hyden and Elaine Young. Hyden wears a necklace ‘to help him push himself to his full strength and performance.’ Young uses hers ‘to help collect energy for her focus on health.’

Again, to the website. Again, temptation.

‘Wear Energy Muse jewelry to achieve wealth, find love, enhance performance and improve health.’

That’s quite the package of benefits. I did find a lovely grounding bracelet – and at only $49.99 it was something of a bargain, promising a variety of metaphysical riches at a fraction of the cost of some of the necklaces.

But what would the wise ancients choose?

Hard to say. Perhaps when push came to shove, they’d have traded either product for a good antibiotic and an appropriate vaccination or two.

-- Tami Dennis